Control is a Myth

It’s interesting: I’ve been following the Daily Prompt for a while now, but have never been inspired to post. Then “Control” pops up and it’s just so, so relevant.

If you scroll into my past posts, you’ll see that I used to have two cats, one of whom passed away in January from lymphoma. I took my other cat, Tag, to the vet on Saturday (4/29) because he was eating funny. I thought his gingivitis was worse, and the vet would tell me it’s time to schedule a cleaning. Instead of that, they found a mass. I nearly passed out in the exam room.

I took him for a biopsy on Monday, and when the doctor called me afterward he said that from what he saw, it isn’t good. This is a nasty kind of cancer, and there’s no point in putting him through tests and treatments that won’t be effective.

(Writing this out is insane. This is the same shit I lived through in January. Can someone hit the Repeat button to turn it off?)

So here I am again. About to lose the last half of the only solid constant I’ve had for the past nine years. This is unreal. Unfair. Unbelievable. How did I even make it to work today?

I’ll know more of our course of action for his final days once the results are back and the specific type of cancer is known. But to the point:

Control. There’s no such thing when it comes to life events like these. I thought to myself last night, if I had known that I would lose my boys so suddenly and so close together, would I have done anything differently? (Answer: hell no.)

And the thought of adopting another cat brings up the fear of going through this again. Because you can’t control the outcome. You can’t control the fates of others.

You can’t control when you lose a beloved pet.

You can’t control another person’s feelings or decisions.

Shit happens, no matter how hard you fight against it.

Source: Control

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