March is strange. For many years, something negative always happened to me during the month of March. I’d get dumped, was hospitalized one year, lost one of my oldest friends, and so on. I can’t recall anything happening in the past few years or so, fingers crossed, but it still makes me pause each time it comes around.
Nothing bad–at least on the same level of past Marches–is going on, but I’m not in a perfect place. I’m still coming down from a few things emotionally, and with the added significance that I place on this month, I’m hyper-aware and vigilant for the coming weeks. Thirty more days. Four weeks. Don’t overthink anything (HAHAHA).
The transitional nature of this month comes to mind as well. It’s when the weather—usually—starts to shift. It goes up and down, testing the waters and deciding when it’s ready to jump into the next season in fits and starts. This has already started this year, and I could write another post about the visions of a post-apocalyptic earth that this brings about. But anyway.
My point is it’s a month of change. I’ve never been entirely comfortable with change. If change were a person, it would be that extended family member that you rarely see and are never quite sure what to talk about when they’re around, and they’re so different from you that the silences are painfully awkward. I’ve adapted to change more in the past few years, accepting its inevitability, but I’ll never be able to relax around it completely. We’ll never move beyond a stiff handshake and small talk, unless absolutely necessary.
So March signals a transition, and my life has transitioned with it. Shifts in relationships. Life changes. If I had not lost my friend that March of 2011, I wouldn’t be in D.C., working in jobs I actually like and not knowing the wonderful people I’ve met. If those relationships hadn’t imploded I wouldn’t have learned and grown from them (and, god forbid, not gotten rid of those people). If I had not become sick in 2008, I wouldn’t have reassessed my health and taken charge of making changes for the better.
Maybe March and I have more of a love/hate relationship? Who knows.
On this first day of March, there will be storms. Bring it on, I say. Whatever happens.