A solid idea for a blog hasn’t come to me yet, and the title states why that is. I’m tired. Literally and figuratively. I’m getting over a minor head cold and have too much to do at a job where our product is sinking.
I’m tired of having to fight and try to convince others that women are human beings, that refugees and immigrants are human beings, and that the leader they elected in fact does not have their best interests in mind.
I’m tired of being the person that carries it all when it comes to some of those I care about.
I’m tired of loneliness.
I’m tired of worrying.
I’m tired of being so close to getting some things I’ve wanted yet realizing I may not be able to have them after all.
I’m tired of feeling like I’m on top of one thing–whether it’s work or keeping my house clean– and then something else falls apart. (The kitchen looks great! *living room explodes* Life story.)
Two steps forward; one step back. Always.
Yet still, I hope.
I can either hang on to some scrap of hope, or I can let it all defeat me and be miserable. Even when I feel like I do right now (in need of a nap, super cranky, wanting to flip a desk), I hang on to humor and love…and sunshine and puppies and yeah, yeah fuck you. It sounds trite, but it’s true.
There’s nothing to laugh at when you give up. I wouldn’t even have the catharsis of venting about boring co-workers at that point.
Wow. I do need a nap. And maybe a drink.
This post is beginning to sound like an old Counting Crows song, so I’ll leave you with that: hope. It’s there, but it’s pretty tiny right now. Try not to flush it.