While I’ve been going through the standard ups and downs of losing a beloved pet, I’ve found some interesting patterns emerge in my behavior. Some are surprising, others not so much.
I’ve experienced the classic stages of grief, often all at once or in quick succession. There’s also a general heightening of all emotions, often traded on and off with general numbness. And sleeping. LOTS of sad sleeps.
While all of that is pretty normal, I’ve found my personal reaction to grief to be amusing. It can be summed up with two things: comfort shopping and trashy TV of specific types.
Interspersed with shopping for things I actually need, I’ve found myself adding on random crap I normally wouldn’t because I DESERVE IT AND IT’S FUN DON’T JUDGE ME. In no particular order, here are the things my Grief Brain has decided will help with the process:
- Toy dinosaur eggs that hatch when you leave them in water for ~2 days. I love dinosaurs and this sounded like fun, but all I could think was: What child has the patience to wait for a toy for 2-3 days?! I know I barely did. And when my dino hatched, it was pretty derp-y and the texture is gross. Also not sure if it’s the stegosaurus or the spinosaurus. I’ll call it the Derposaurus so we can be sure.
3/10 for scientific inaccuracy.
UPDATE: So it doesn’t really look that silly. After taking it out of the water and letting it dry out, its giant head shrank to an accurate size for a stegosaurus. It was going through its awkward pre-teen stage, I guess. 6/10?
- Aromatherapy neck pillow. This is actually *somewhat* practical (maybe?). I have a tense neck and heat helps. I like things that smell nice (though I think aromatherapy/essential oils are bullshit, apart from the good feelings that come from something that doesn’t smell like poo). There was a similar pillow at my massage place I’ve been interested in but I was not about to pay $42 for it, so I ordered one online. It’s soft and comfortable and gets warm enough. But its herb-y smell isn’t great and it gets strangely……wet?……after nuking it. No idea. I’ll still use it but may not warm it up anymore. 3/10 because WHY IS IT WET.
- New comforter set. Okay, this was something I did need. I’ve had the same bed set for so long that the cat hair on it is permanent. The problem has been finding a set that isn’t a) hideous or b) more hideous. After looking at extremely nerdy options (almost got one with stars and planets on it), I went with a less-hideous design and got a matching sheet set. Now taking bets on how long I have it before the remaining cat covers it in a layer of hair and tears the sheets. 7/10: I still am not in love with the design but it’s super soft.
UPDATE: I went to wash it and the comforter was so big that I almost flooded my kitchen. Yes, my washer/dryer set is in my kitchen.
- Reversible The Legend of Zelda socks. Depending on your triforce mood, you can choose which artistic variation of the triforce you want to show off on your feets! I couldn’t decide the other day so I had a different one on each foot. Except you can’t see the triforces because they are under my pants so it looked like I was wearing mismatched socks. Fucks given: 0. Rating: 8/10– the reversible layers can get bunched but otherwise great quality and my feet enjoy the experience.
- Subscription boxes. I found a list of them and almost subscribed to like 20. I already get the Book of the Month Club and a clothing sub, so why not more? MAIL ME EVERYTHING. I eventually talked myself down to Birchbox (beauty samples) and LootCrate’s socks box. Yes, more nerdy socks. Will give the happies rating later, but I’m guessing they’ll be high.
UPDATE: OMG WHERE IS MY SHIT. LootWear said it would ship around the 20th but I haven’t received a notification. Birchbox won’t come until at least next week. No rating but ordering is fun, waiting is not.
- While perusing Loot’s other crates, I noticed a previous one included a Space Invaders hoodie, and that they sold it individually. I immediately threw my money at the screen because all brain doctors know comfortable hoodies with hostile space aliens on them cure depression. Again, I don’t have it yet but I’m guessing a strong 13/10.
UPDATE: THEY TAKE 2-3 WEEKS TO SHIP. I WILL DIE OF SADNESS BY THEN. HOLD ME…
The other thing I’ve been doing to cope is watching television. BAD television. I once heard on a podcast that it’s typical to gravitate towards more procedural-type television that’s easy to ingest when your brain is broken, so I’m going easy on myself. Mostly. So what am I watching?
- TLC trash: honestly, just the episodes of Sister Wives about the one wife getting catfished and the other where one of their daughters comes out. Unlike SOME TLC families that espouse bigoted beliefs, this one embraces their daughter’s sexuality. Brownie points for a reality family…never thought I’d see the day.
- Detective stuff on ID, etc. I watched a couple of episodes of Lockup that took place in Cleveland (my hometown) last night. Didn’t see anyone I knew. Good job, folks.
- Shows about bigfoots and ghosts. Have you ever heard of the sheepsquatch? You have now. Basically, hillbillies get high and hallucinate and think it’s real. The end. I did a quick Google search and my favorite line from an encounter was this:
“In 1994, a former Navy seaman stated having witnessed the beast breaking through the forest, after ingesting a mound of shroom caps he found on the forest floor.”
I’m sorry, but what do you expect to see when you ingest random shrooms? Certainly not normal things.
So this is me and grief. I started drafting this post about a week ago and have to say that I’ve improved a little. Bit by bit, my motivation for things is returning. Maybe if I can properly formulate my thoughts about finding motivation again when life will never be the same, I will. Until then, enjoy your daily Sheepsquatch: